The Mother Hood

Some things you never forget.  Some things you wish you could remove from your memory, but they remain stuck, reminding you of your failures, mishaps, struggles and times that hurt.  My breastfeeding story is stuck in my head that way. I’d rather forget it and the feeling of failure that enveloped me as a new mom.

I tried breastfeeding three times. It didn’t happen with the first two, and by the time my third baby got here, I was ready and determined to conquer the challenge of breastfeeding my child…until it all came to a screeching halt.

Everything went really well at first. She latched on right away, and I read everything I could get my hands on.  I listened to everything the hospital nurses said. We went home and continued the ride… until I started running a fever.  

The weird thing was that I didn’t feel sick.  I was freezing. My teeth chattered, and I had a pain in my neck and back of head.  Other than that, I couldn’t figure out why I was running such a high fever.  My first thought was that I had a uterine infection.

I had to leave my baby at home to go to the hospital. That time away and the recuperation period that followed for my inner ear infection threw off our breastfeeding bliss.  What baby would rather struggle with low milk flow once they discover a bottle that flowed with no effort. Who could blame her?  

I felt like a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad mom.  I had so much wanted to accomplish this one thing as a mom, and I knew I would never have a chance to experience it again.

Everyone has their reasons for choosing breastfeeding or bottle feeding, and sometimes things don’t go as planned.  The choice between one or another is just that…a choice. I will NEVER judge a mother for making the best choice she can for how to best raise her child. That baby will always benefit from a parent loving her and trying her best at parenting.

What’s your story?  If you have a link…share it:-)

Detroit Mommies Expert Contributor
Courtney is the traveling mom! She has 3 girls and is the founder of Detroit Mommies and currently lives in Florida. You can follow her on Twitter @courtneyRVL.
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Crystal Putnam
Crystal Putnam
8 years ago

I sooooo needed to read this! I admire you so!!

Mrs. Sarah Coller
8 years ago

Amen Courtney! Because of a thyroid issue, I’ve never been able to make enough to nurse my babies. Because I’m a homeschooling mom of 9, I already get put in that stigma group that assumes I’m a militant nursing mom. It was a rough, guilt-filled road for awhile. I think it’s safe to say that the HUGE majority of moms want what’s best for their kids. We should be encouraging one another in the parenting choices we each choose to make—rather than running one another down for not making the ones we personally think are best.

Shasta Walton
8 years ago

I had a similar experience. My first child wouldn’t latch and didn’t want to work for it. I was heartbroken, and had to discontinue trying because he had jaundice and needed to eat.

My second son nursed like a champ and my girls both did okay as well. I will never forget how horrible I felt though. My dad actually stopped me and asked “Why do you want to do this? What is motivating you?. I think it was at that point that I realized it was almost more about me as a mom, than the baby. I just wanted to be the best mom I could be, and sadly that meant not nursing, so he could be healthy.

I’m sorry you never got to experience nursing. Thanks for sharing your story.

Heather {Brie Brie Blooms}

I will be back to edit this comment and share a link with my story soon! Thanks for your honesty; I really struggled with my first daughter and am not looking forward to trying again with baby #2 soon. Mostly out of fear that I will not succeed again. All we can do is our best and when it’s your best at being a good mom, there’s not really anything negative anyone can say about choices or failures.